its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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