its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
