she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
