there's paper in my vomit.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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