The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
