I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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