I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm like, not good at living.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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