Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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