11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
