My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
