he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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