I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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