you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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