Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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