I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
