Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
