some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
