I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
