Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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