I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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