thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
