They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
