Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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