I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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