Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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