Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
