I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
