If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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