So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
