i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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