Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
MIDGETS
????
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
