dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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