Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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