In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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