I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
