I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
