Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I cut my penus on the lid.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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