hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
