We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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