the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
