I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
