Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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