Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
