Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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