I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
