Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
