how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
