I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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