wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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