He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like