i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.