I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.