Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick