we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.