Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.