Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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