Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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(480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.

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(603): five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon. http://tfl.nu/sqt2

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(516): View more from New York

Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I

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(516): Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I<3 NY. http://tfl.nu/f30c

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(713): View more from Texas

All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.

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(713): All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/461a

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

I feel like half our conversations start this way.

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(603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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(404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17

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(618): View more from Illinois

you should give me head with plastic fangs in

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(618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60

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(530): View more from California

I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

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(530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

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(774): its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody http://tfl.nu/wrf2

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(480): View more from Arizona

Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.

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(480): Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT. http://tfl.nu/l2cm

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(703): View more from Virginia

We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure

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(703): We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure http://tfl.nu/ow8j

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me

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(215): Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me http://tfl.nu/zwz8

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(409): View more from Texas

Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.

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(409): Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY. http://tfl.nu/n49p

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(619): View more from California

Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich

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(619): Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich http://tfl.nu/84vp

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.

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(570): No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong. http://tfl.nu/gy5i

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