i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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