do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
