Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
