life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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