Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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