I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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