You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
