i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head