I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
