I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
that is very illegal...i love you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.