So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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