Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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